Prop 8 didn't go far enough

Prop 8 appears to have passed in California. I believe the title was "Prevention of Large-Scale Societal Collapse By Way of Rights Denial." And I'm grateful that it did. I think now what Liberals refer to as "global warming" will finally pass because we have appeased God and God tends to reward us with climate change when we do something right. "Globabl warming" was merely the result of prolonged living in sin by homosexuals, and God wanted to send us a message. Soon we will all laugh about Liberals' concern with so-called "finite" "fossile fuels." But that's another subject entirely.

Today, with the passing of Proposition 8, I'd like to commend California. California, you are hereby commended. But I won't stop there. Proposition 8 was just the beginning. Proposition 8 was a litmus test. Will the largest state in our great union support God's will? Well, today California has given us the go-ahead, the green light towards transforming the state, and soon, the nation into a land governed by the law that is goverend by the Lord's will. While Proposition 8 is deadly important, it merely sets in action the real changes and progress to be made.

You see, Proposition 8 passes merely two Bible verses. Leviticus 18:6, which reads: "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female. It is an abomination" and Leviticus 20:13: "A man who sleeps with another man is an abomination and should be executed." Indeed, they are vastly important verses, verses to be dwelled upon and verses to uphold in an effor to deny homosexuals basic rights. But there are many more verses in the Bible that command us, verses that we, as God-fearing Christians, must craft into law and pass at the ballot box.

That's why I am hereby drafting eight new propositions for the next election, all based on Bible verses. We need to get this state and this country back on track. Too many are living in sin and democratic law is the best way to make people do what we want.

Proposition 1: Deuteronomy 22:13-21 says "If it is discovered that a bride is not a virgin, the Bible demands that she be executed by stoning immediately." Proposition 8 took a firm stand on protecting marriage. Let's not stop there. If we want to protect the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, we must stone that woman to death if she is found to have had sexual intercourse or inserting a tampon or playing sports have ruptured her hymen. Men, if there isn't blood on the bed during your honeymoon you must turn your bride in to the authorities so that she may be stoned to death.

Proposition 2: Deuteronomy 22:22 says "If a married person has sex with someone else's husband or wife, the Bible commands that both adulterers be stoned to death." Again, we need to be serious about upholding the santicity of marriage as now defined as between a man and a woman.

Proposition 3: Mark 10:1-12 says "Divorce is strictly forbidden in both Testaments, as is remarriage of anyone who has been divorced." With a skyrocketing divorce rate between men and women, Proposition 3 will protect the sanctity of marriage as defined as between a man and a woman.

Proposition 4: Leviticus 18:19 says "The Bible forbids a married couple from having sexual intercourse during a woman's period. If they disobey, both shall be executed." It is astonishing to me that this is not already a law. It's just plain icky, and execution is the step needed to stop this disgusting practice.

Proposition 5: Mark 12:18-27 says "If a man dies childless, his widow is ordered by biblical law to have intercourse with each of his brothers in turn until she bears her deceased husband a male heir." Now, this may bring to some people's minds gang rape but the woman shall consent (it is written in the Bible after all, and after Proposition 5 passes it will be the law, anyways) and in that way it is not rape at all. Heirs are just as important now as they have always been. Plus, my brother (who is terminally ill at the moment, and I won't say what with out of respect for his privacy) has a rather attractive wife and will, I believe, deliver me a fine heir for my many properties and sports cars. if we pass Proposition 5, that is. So, please, protect the sanctity of male lineage inheritance.

Proposition 6: Deuteronomy 25:11-12 says "If a man gets into a fight with another man and his wife seeks to rescue her husband by grabbing the enemy's genitals, her hand shall be cut off and no pity shall be shown her." This one is a no-brainer as clearly, grabbing another man's genitals fight or no fight, is to commit adultery right in front of the husband! I wouldn't pity my own daughter (Alas, I have only a daughter to inherit my properties and sports cars, but Proposition 5 should secure me an heir) if I found her doing this.